And They Tasted Of Almond: Woot Weads The Wire

Published June 2, 2010 at 6:00 p.m.

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

JAKARTA (UPI) -- An Indonesian filmmaker said he has begun filming "Little Obama the Movie," a film based on a fictionalized version of the U.S. president's childhood.

In this revised version, young Obama lives with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben until the day he gets special powers while observing Jeri Ryan's divorce proceedings.

NASHVILLE (UPI) -- The Nashville resting place of country star Minnie Pearl, historically open around the clock, will now close at night due to vandalism, groundskeepers say.

Sources say the vandals were taking the little tags off her hats.

DALY CITY, Calif., May 31 (UPI) -- One party-goer died and 10 others were sickened, five critically, apparently after taking tainted drugs at a huge rave in Daly City, Calif., police said.

The tainted drugs reportedly made ravers sometimes feel they had to run away.

MIAMI (UPI) -- A Southampton, N.Y., beach has been named No. 1 in an annual Top 10 Beaches ranking by a Florida researcher who calls himself "Dr. Beach," observers say.

When asked to explain what this made his son, the researcher had no comment.

LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley will replace Megan Fox in "Transformers 3," Access Hollywood reported.

Insiders predict that Huntington-Whiteley will allegedly be playing Galvatron and that non-Transformer fans will stare at this joke without understanding.

TORONTO (UPI) -- Chris Haney, co-creator of the board game Trivial Pursuit, died in a Toronto hospital following a long illness, his business partners said. He was 59.

Police say Haney's death leaves many unanswered questions.

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