That's Right, Bison. The Man, Killing Bison.: Woot Weads The Wire

Published Aug. 11, 2010 at 5:00 p.m.

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

PORDENONE, Italy (UPI) -- Anti-globalization activists have destroyed a field of genetically modified corn near the northeastern Italian town of Pordenone, Italian authorities say.

Thankfully, the corn's healing factor and adamantium claws will allow it to take its own revenge.

WEST NYACK, N.Y. (UPI) -- A 78-year-old New York state man said he was perplexed to discover the U.S. government believes he died more than a month ago.

Those familiar with the case added that the man really wishes his assigned caseworker would stop saying "…OR MAYBE… YOU DID!!!" every time he calls to discuss the issue.

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (UPI) -- The Saudi government said Tuesday it was holding off on its plan to cut off BlackBerry corporate messaging services in the kingdom.

This decision will not affect heads, arms and hands, which the Saudis will continue to cut off as they see fit.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Mark Ruffalo says he and Edward Norton, his friend and fellow Hollywood actor, are not fighting over the big-screen role of the Hulk.

Most Hulk fans stand behind their belief that, if they two men ever did fight, it would be totally freaking awesome like nobody would ever believe.

WEYBURN, Saskatchewan (UPI) -- Anthrax has killed 30 bison on a farm near Weyburn, Saskatchewan, a Canadian provincial official said Tuesday.

Authorities now say that Scott Ian has taken full responsibility and claims that the other members of the band are innocent.

DESTIN, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a woman who poured drinks on her husband after finding him at a strip club was charged with battery.

A spokesperson for the woman argues that she intended to only throw a single drink on her husband, but the club policy mandated that she purchase at least two.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Breakfast giant Kellogg's has opened a Pop-Tart theme restaurant in New York featuring Pop-Tart sandwiches and other sugary concoctions.

The joke here is that this really exists.

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